Happy Johnson and Huggy

Over on RPG.net, in a thread on customizing monsters and why 4e's simplified system was better than 3x's "everyone works by the same rules" system, someone commented on the pointlessness of being able to give Perform skills to a choker.

Ladies and gentlemen, Happy Johnson and Huggy!

Happy Johnson, formerly Bandolimiir, was one of uncounted itinerant bards of Arith, making his way from town to town as part of a general troupe of entertainers. When the Crush hit, the open road upon which they had been traveling suddenly became a 4-lane superhighway filled with speeding vehicles, smashing the caravan and scattering the survivors into the surrounding towns.

Bandoloimiir barely managed to escape with his life and fiddle. Never a fighter, he spent the next few weeks mostly in hiding, trying to avoid both newly-emboldened monsters and Earthborn humans who couldn't tell him from an orc. Taking shelter in a mostly-looted mall, he happened on a box of "Happy Johnson" brand joke t-shirts. Not yet speaking English, but enjoying the comical art (and soft cloth), he made off with a few.

Eventually, hunger drove him to seek shelter among a band of humans traveling in a self-propelled metal house. (This was while there was still ample gas to scavenge easily.) He used his various perform talents...and a hasty Charm spell..to win them over. As he expected, they found his antics adorable and him harmless, so he became their companion as he learned all he could about the new world which had been formed. They found his oversized t-shirt truly hilarious, and quickly gave him his new name. Once he learned enough English to "get" the joke, he decided it was a perfect icebreaker -- no one would attack someone named Happy Johnson, after all!

Once he felt confident enough to move on, he did so, bartering entertainment for transit and food. It was during a dark and stormy night (sigh), taking shelter in a cave, that he met Huggy.
Huggy was an infant choker, abandoned and alone, and too feeble to actually harm anyone. Happy, on a whim, desided to feed the poor thing, and managed to raise him as a sort of pet and companion. Dressed in a makeshift clown outfit and taught to do acrobatic tricks, "Huggy" is a main part of Happy's act. Arithians are often fearful or nervous, but Earthborn -- who are Happy's main audience -- usually don't know about chokers and consider Huggy to be just a strange sort of midget.

Happy is not a fighter, and he knows it. If he is going into dangerous territory, he will seek out powerful company. If on his own, he will use his natural charm, comedic skills, and sometimes magic to make himself some friends and protectors. He does all he can to come across as harmless and non-threatening, which he mostly is. If a fight breaks out, he will use his magic to slow/distract pursuers and leave as fast as he can, though he will not abandon Huggy.

HAPPY JOHNSON CR 5
Gnome; bard 5
CG Small humanoid ( gnome )
Init +0; Senses Low-light, Listen +4, Spot +2
Languages Common, Gnome
AC 15, touch 11, flat-footed 15; ,
hp 20 (5 HD)
Fort +1, Ref +4, Will +6
Speed 20 ft. (4 squares)
Ranged masterwork crossbow (light/small) +5 (1d6 /19-20 )
Melee rapier +1 (small) +5 (1d4+1 /18-20 )
Face 5 ft. Reach 5 ft.
Base Atk +3; Grp -1
Known Bard Spells (CL 5): 0th - dancing lights , ghost sound (DC 13) , lullaby (DC 12) , mending (DC 12) , prestidigitation (DC 12) , summon instrument 1st - charm person (DC 13) , comprehend languages , hideous laughter (DC 13) , sleep (DC 13) 2nd - alter self , eagle's splendor (DC 14) , enthrall (DC 14)
Prepared Spells Spell-Like Abilities (CL 1):
speak with animals ( 1/day) dancing lights ( 1/day) ghost sound ( DC 12, 1/day) prestidigitation ( DC 12, 1/day)
Abilities Str 10, Dex 10, Con 10, Int 14, Wis 14, Cha 15
SQ +1 racial bonus on attack rolls against kobolds and goblinoids., +2 racial bonus on saving throws against illusions., +4 Dodge bonus to Armor Class against monsters of the giant type., Bardic knowledge (+7), Bardic music 9/day, Countersong (Su) for up to 10 rounds, Fascinate (Sp) can effect 2 creatures for up to 5 rounds, Inspire Competence (Su) +2 to skill checks for up to 2 minutes, Inspire Courage (Su) +1 to saves against charm or fear effects and +1 morale bonus on attack and damage rolls (Concentration + 5 rounds)., May wear light armor without incurring the normal arcane spell failure chance., Speak with Animals (burrowing mammal only, duration 1 minute).
Feats Armor Proficiency (Light), Extra Music, Negotiator, Shield Proficiency, Simple Weapon Proficiency
Skills Balance +8, Bluff +10, Climb +5, Diplomacy +16, Disguise +4, Disguise (Act in character) +6, Escape Artist +2, Perform (Comedy) +6, Perform (Sing) +8, Perform (String Instruments) +8, Sense Motive +9, Sleight of Hand +9, Tumble +5,
Possessions mithral shirt; musical instrument (fiddle); potion of misdirection; rapier +1 (small); Masterwork Crossbow (Light/Small) ;

HUGGY CR 2
Choker; aberration 3
TN Small aberration
Init +7; Senses Darkvision (60'), Listen +1, Spot +1
Languages Undercommon
AC 18, touch 14, flat-footed 15; ,
hp 23 (3 HD)
Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +4
Speed 20 ft. (4 squares) Climb 10 ft.
Melee tentacle +5/+5 (1d3+2 )
Face 5 ft. Reach 10 ft.
Base Atk +2; Grp +4
Abilities Str 14, Dex 17, Con 14, Int 8, Wis 12, Cha 11
SQ Aberration Traits, Constrict (Ex), Improved Grab (Ex), Quickness (Su)
Feats Acrobatic, Improved Initiative, Skill Focus (Tumble)
Skills Move Silently +4, Perform (Comedy) +2,
Possessions tentacle;